If you need me, I'll be at the gym, trying to get back to my fighting weight

In 2007, Cat and I went to the gym 138 times. That is pathetic my friends...Pathetic! (And so is the fact that I keep of log of gym utilization). And I suppose that over 100 of those were before September, because we were really laggin' in the last quarter. Anyways, that amounts to:

38% gym utilization
$4 per gym visit
2.6 times per week

While the statistics aren't TOO bad, I know we can do better! Let's be realistic and set a gym resolution for 2008.

Increase gym utilization by 10% (everyone says 10% is the way to go, way to increase mileage when training, 10% initial goal when losing weight, etc.)

That brings us to:
152 gym visits in 2008
42% gym utilization
$3.55 per gym visit
3 times per week

That sounds pretty good, and while 3 times per week is considered average, Cat and I are more on the schedule of 5 times one week, 0 the next. We'll try to be more consistent this year. And of course our goal will be to surpass the goal of 152 visits!

120 lbs, here I come!



xoxo, Max

Mass texts = Massholes

What is with these guys and their mass texts? Only guys like to mass text, and it's so obnoxious. We all know we're not special, that you're sending that message out to everyone, so why even bother? It doesn't make us feel warm and fuzzy inside to know that you can hit "Send all" and then write "mrry xmas to u" We don't jump up and down, "OH YES! He wants me to have a Merry Christmas! What a great guy!"

This Christmas, I got 6 texts wishing me a Merry Christmas. 3 of those were not in my phone, so I received Christmas "greetings" from someone so unimportant I either decided to delete their number, or never put it in my phone to begin with. So, the question is, what goes through these people's minds? Do they seriously select all? (For the record, Cat's phone does not have that option, and mine fools you into thinking you can select all, but then has an error sign saying max you can send to is 10). Are they going through the phone list thinking "Oh yea, haven't talked to Maxi in years, but I think I'll wish her a Merry Christmas." It's just ridiculous. I never get these mass texts from real friends, just some jerk offs that I don't have their number, or that I do still have their number but rarely talk to.

Another side effect that has come from these mass texts, is I'm overly paranoid that every text, unless it specifically says "Maxi" in it, is a mass text, so I don't reply. Heck, I don't want to be that fool that replies back to your "u out" text.

So, in summary, if you are guilty of that heinous crime of mass texting, just say NO! No one's impressed, no one thinks you care, no one wants to get all excited thinking someone texted them just to find out it's your fool ass, and more importantly, no one wants to reply just to find out they were played a fool when they invariably find out it was sent to all.

Mass texting due to emergencies, etc., are permitted, but only if coming from reliable source or in a case of a true emergency "d00dz, hit me @ crnr bar ths place is the shiznit" does not count as an emergency.

Is this really happening?

Did I for real wake up at 7AM, only to hit the snooze until 7:45. Then when I finally decided to get out of bed, there was no hot water. I made a face and proceeded to wash my face in stinging, cold water. I'm not wearing make-up, and I'm not wearing dress slacks. I was relieved to see that one of the other women in the office was also wear jeans. I'm just not in the mood.

Here comes .25 billable hours for my half day at work.

The Twelve (additional) Inches of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my toffee gave to me
More fatness on my belly

On the second day of Christmas, my cookies gave to me
Two more chins
And the fatness on my belly

On the third day of Christmas, my egg nog gave to me.....



And the story goes on. Anyway, I ended up 10 pounds heavier and 12 additional inches all over my body. Yikes! What am I going to do? New Year's resolutions means it's time to go hardcore and get this body back into shape. Don't I want to give the Drug Rep something memorable to see this first time? Or am I trying to keep the lights off for a few months until I can tone my tush?

<2 Cat

Ho-Ho-Holiday Party

Tonight is our office party and the office will close early so we can get ready. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm delighted we'll be getting out early, but really, what are these people doing? Getting their hair done up like for a wedding? Ha! I will just die if anyone comes in like that.

Cat and I are going, but we see the office party more as a pre-game to the real fun - going out afterwards with everyone when we're all liquored up. That truly is the best. I think in some offices, the party might be better, but our office is full of married boring people. And yes, many of the married boring people are our age, 24-30. Really, how terrible. (Refer to earlier post about marrying young). Anyways, there's not a lot of opportunity to get rowdy, dirty dance and make out with OC. It's just not that type of office (unfortunately I might add).

After the office party last year, Cat, Chicago, and I went out and had the best time. That's when I met the coach. So, I'm a little nostalgic, I will admit. But I'm ready to go out and par-tay this year. I'm super excited about my outfit too. I'm wearing a typical cocktail dress, but it's turquoise instead of black. And I'm wearing my super hot red patent leather pumps with a new patent leather clutch I bought. Seriously, I'm loving it. Unfortunately I feel a little fat and bloated now though. Pizza for lunch, ugh, what was I thinking!? I'm the world's worst when I'm feeling fat. Hopefully I can de-bloat by 7.

xoxo, Maxi

For Whom the Smell Tolls

It's one of those days where I feel like doing nothing. I had left over Mexican from dinner with Mary last night. I heated up the flautas and plopped my ass on the sofa. However, as lazy as I'm feeling, I still wanted to write this blog.

This afternoon as I was walking from my car to my apartment I experienced several smells within the short two block walk. First, I smelled a cheap red wine. As I rounded the block I caught a whiff of tobacco. What's with the odor of vices? I imagine d a bum sitting in a doorstep indulging himself in this unseasonably warm weather. As I continued down the block I thought I smelled the Industial sandwhich, one of my favorites the local deli across the street. At my arrival to my apartment the last smell I reveled in was the delicious, intoxicating flavors of Thai cooking. I'm glad that the smells ended up being a little bit better than the one before.

When the Cat's Away...

...Maxi is very sad.

I'm going through some major Cat withdrawals. She went up to visit her gramma and cousins and all that for Christmas. And I suppose that's allowed, but I had a very boring weekend, and here it is 8:30 am on Monday and it looks like I'm actually going to start working at 8:30 instead of piddling away a good 1/2 hour talking about the shenanigans that is our life. Not that I have any shenanigans, I can't believe how boring I've become lately. Oh well, maybe 2008 will bring some good times!

Model Behavior

Yesterday at work, I went to make some hot chocolate around mid-morning. I was getting a little hungry and wanted something to tie me over until lunch.

As I was leaving the break room with the hot chocolate, my shoe slipped out from underneath me. I felt like I was moving in slow motion. At first I thought "I'm going to make it! Just straighten up and I'll be fine!" Then "Nooooooooooooooooo! aaaaaagggggggggghhhhhhhhh, ouch, crash, boom, thud, owowowow, wooooo, ooo, oh, ouch OUCH!!" I landed on the ground with a loud THUD! My hot chocolate went flying from my hand all over me and the floor. Then, before I could even stop it, a loud "F*CK!!" flew from my mouth. My arm was burning and my wrist hurt from where it hit the ground. I did manage to pop back up really quickly before anyone saw.

The commotion, however, did not go unnoticed. One of the AA's was down the hall, heard the noise, and came running over.

"Maxi! Are you all right?!" she exclaimed!

I replied very dejectedly "No, I tripped and fell, burned my arm, and screamed an obscenity very loudly in the office."

She proceeded to help put a cool compress on my arm. That hot chocolate was hot! Too bad the machine says "Caution: Contents May be Hot" or I could have had a real winner of a law suit!

Needless to say, a large commotion quickly fills the break room. People are coming out of the woodwork asking what happened?, am I okay?, etc. All I could do was stand there pathetically and soaking wet in a gross brown substance as I held the cool towel to my arm. My once blue and white shirt was brown. I don't know how, but I had hot chocolate all over one arm, specifically all over the white cuff of one of my sleeves, on the other arm, on the front, on the back, on my pants, in my shoes, in my hair. I was a disgusting mess. I went home to change but still smelt like hot chocolate the rest of the day. All day long, people stopped by my cube, asking if I was okay. Was I the one that made the big mess that made Miss Jackie come up to clean? Oh, it was embarrassing.

[Check out this perfect segue]

Today, OC sends me an email, dripping with fake kindness about wanting to check and make sure I was okay from my fall. In it, he attached the following video (I could tell he was genuinely concerned). I'm not sure why I hadn't seen this one before, but it made me laugh so hard.



I don't know what made me laugh more...the slow motion of the second fall or how hard the news anchors are laughing. I can only imagine her inner dialogue as she bit it the second time. And did you notice Jim wanted to say something more, but couldn't finish as he was laughing too hard! Then, I think George tries to say something, but he too is cut short because he can't stop laughing! OH, it's too great. I've watched it at least a dozen times, and it still makes me laugh out loud each time.

That girl ain't getting a call back anytime soon. Hope she didn't quit her day job.

Well, that's it for now. Be careful out there!
xoxo, Maxi

30 is the new 20

I was going to comment, but realized the comment was getting long, so I wrote a responsive blog instead.

It's weird, growing up, I never envisioned myself getting married before 30. I think a lot of it has to do with where you grow up. The more urban, the later you even want get married. Look at the number of "young" professional singles in NYC, Chicago, LA, Atlanta at age 30, 35, 40. You move out to some hick town or even small city, and you're an old maid after 24.

I think it has to do with how worldly and sophisticated one is. In smaller towns, they have less to do, so by the time you're 18, you've been there, done that, time to move on to your next stage of life. In larger cities, people realize this is the time to live, to have fun, to go out, travel, go to the theater, try new ethnic restaurants, do all the crazy things you want to do and not have to answer to anyone. You think your 5 year old wants sushi or Ethiopian food? Please, he wants chicken tenders and fries from Applebees. And more likely, he wants to throw them on the floor. As a side note, these people that bring screaming babies into 4 star restaurants should be shot. In case you missed the etiquette class in pre-natal care, here is the Golden Rule of being a considerate parent - Children should not be found in restaurants other than chain and fast food.

Anyways, back from that tangent. I think to answer your question Cat, guys think they'll be "mature" at 30. And we all know that ain't happening. Why does 30 scare so many people? Age really is just a number. It's not "30" that I fear, but being "old." You know, old eyes are my biggest fear. And I know a lot of 20 year olds with old eyes. So, I think I'll be fine when I turn 30 in a few years. Who knows, maybe I'll be married, maybe not. Whatever happens, that's the hand I was dealt, and I know it's what's right for me at this time. The last thing we want to do is get frantic and find someone just to have someone because we're 30. Oh No! Time to get serious, I only have about 60 years left until I die!

Ideal Marriage Age

Why is it that so many guys I meet say that they would like to be married by the age of 30? Is 30 some magic number? I think 30 is the age where people feel like youth has ended. Gone are the reckless days of their 20s, drinking all night on a Wednesday, making out in bars, and wearing tight, trendy clothing. At age 30 this is all magically supposed to go away.

From a social standpoint it seems that we recognize 30 to be the time to settle down and mature. However, laws recognize young adults' independence at a much earlier age. Look at the laws in the U.S.: In most states 21 is the legal age to drink. Nationwide, 18 is the age to vote. Driving ages vary from 15 to get a learner's permit (yikes!) to 17 for full driving rights. We get to enjoy these privleges for a decade before it's time to finally get "serious".

As for me, I see myself getting married somewhere between the ages 26 and 28. While I would like a committed relationship now, I still feel like I have a few years of staying out late getting crunk tore up, ordering pizza, and giving out fake numbers.

<3 Cat

Priorities

So, I can't believe "CB" texted me today.

I didn't talk to him since Thursday night and here he is texting me "hey stranger". I KNOW he saw his (ex) girlfriend this weekend, thanks to some photos she posted of him and a flirtatious comment left on his Wall. I'm done with him. I have some of his clothes at my house, but it doesn't matter. They aren't that confortable at all anyway.

I went out last Tuesday with a guy my mom's friend set me up with, the Drug Rep. Since he's a salesman we had no problem talking about whatever. He's funny, attractive, and smiles a lot. The evening ended with an awkward attempt at making out, but he still managed to ask me out for Saturday.

Anyway, more details to follow, Maxi and I are about to hit the gym!

<3 Cat

To Bra or not to Bra, that is the Question

As a introduction to this post, Cathy and I are obsessed with Craigslist missed connection. And not so much that we think we're going to meet our Prince Charming this way, but that people are so dumb, and the posts are so dumb and poorly written, and it really provides tons of entertainment! Sometimes the site is blocked at work, and other times, not. We think it's unblocked a few hours a day so our nerdy IT guy can either post or check his missed connection.

From: Cathy
Why weren't we on this one? {Enter text rather than link}

you were with your friend wed at a table by the window.

you were wearing jeans and a white sweater that showed off your black bra strap (very sexy!)

had to let you know that you are stunning.

i was meeting a client and couldn't break away to let you know how attractive you are, but i hope you see this.

signed
an admirer :)

From: Maxine
Yea, do you think he thought one of us had red hair? :)

From: Cathy
Yours has a reddish tint in the light!

From: Maxine
i don't think i was wearing a white sweater with a sexy black bra strap showing. if anything that would be you. so let's see, me with the hair, you with the outfit. really, you can't blame him for confusing who was who, we are both gorgeous. ;0


From: Cathy
Maxi, you and your white Grandma bras.


From: Maxine
well...yours are black grandma bras!

From: Cathy
It's because we both wear like 36FFFF so they look huge!

From: Maxine
You know that's the only reason!

Yours is more 34FFFF, and mine is now 36FFF


From: Cathy
But seriously T said she got a bra fitting and she was 36 D. I don'[t believe that for a second. She goes braless all the time.

From: Maxine
i agree. either that or she needs to be wearing a bra. ain't nothing sexy about sagging double d titties bouncing around in a white tank top.

From: Cathy
But the celebs do it to go grocery shopping...


From: Maxine
but they're a or b at best. i do want to do it one time, just pop into the store in the summer in my wife beater, nipples blazing in the produce refrigerated section. talk about the perfect pick up line. "are you stealing raisins, or just happy to see me?"

Shoes and Caesar

From: Cathy
http://shoeblogs.com/2007/11/20/louboutin-miss-fred-tacco-vs-steve-madden-becks/


From: Maxine
OMG! It totally does look like the sole was photo shopped a different color! There's NO way those are photos of two different shoes!


From: Cathy
Or do you think they photoshopped it to bamboozle you into thinking it was the same?


From: Maxine
And I'm sure it could bamboozle most, but not two en vogue fashionistas like ourselves.

So, it looks like it will be just you, me, and OL on Friday. Why did we call that again?


From: Cathy
Typical, huh? The triumvirate!

So, "CB" just texted me "R u mad at me?" He's not a jokester, he's a drama king! He really is like a girl. First I liked it, because he liked to snuggle, but now it's getting on my nerves.


From: Maxine
What! He did not text that!? I totally agree with you, he likes drama. He only wants someone if there's drama. For example, when he was dating someone else, it made dating you fun, when you were mad that he was dating someone else, he liked that too, then when things are normal, he gets bored. I can see why it would be annoying.

And do NOT link me in a triumvirate with OL! But if you must, I call Caesar, you can be Pompey, and OL can be Crassus just because I think that sounds like the least desirable.


From: Cathy
See, I try to have a drama-free relationship and that backfires too! Darmed if you do, darmed if you don't!

However, Crassus was extremely wealthy..which goes to show you, put in your 160 hour months, and you, too, will be rewarded!


From: Maxine
Well, what's more important, wealth or a lasting impression on me thousands of years in the future in World History 101? I don't really remember anything about Crassus other than a member of the original triumvirate. Thus why we would be Caesar and Pompey (plus they have amusement rides named after them!)

Also! Which Caesar was it? Julius? E tu Brutus? Man, nevermind, I don't want Caesar after all. Is today's version of stabbing a friend the "intervention." Maybe I am Caesar! :(


From: Cathy
Haha! That was a good analogy! So true!

It was Julius Caesar....

Anyway, I need to get out of here. I want to hit up DSW, but you KNOW the traffic is going to be horrendous!


From: Maxine
Better bring snacks

Nothing you can do that can't be done

All You Need Is Luv's - Funny bloopers are a click away

I just wanted to take a moment to blog about the "All you need is Luvs" commercial. Am I the only one who finds it perverse? The baby is humping the bear for crying out loud! Like every dog in every movie/tv show does with a large stuffed toy animal. The commercial keeps you in suspense about what it's selling until you've already been sufficiently disturbed. Then, just as you're about to call the FCC you see the dad counting down and you learn the commercial is about "luvs" not about free love to animals from kiddies. Heather must really be taking Paul to the bank if he needs to stoop this low to earn some cash from the royalties. George must be turning over in his grave.

Hope everyone had a fab Thanksgiving, xoxo Maxi

Not too much going on these days...

We haven't posted in awhile, really it's because nothing exciting has happened. Let's see if I can recap the week in a few short bullet points.

We discussed that if we didn't eat for a few months, we could buy these totally hotttt Christian Louboutin Miss Fred Tacco Boots. Cat can wear tall heels like this, but I just can't. I love the way they make my legs look, but I have to limit at 2 inches, otherwise I'd break my neck. My aristocratic feet can't handle it (too delicate!) :)



We learned that OC drives his GF to work. They must be getting serious if they're commuting like an old married couple. A little bit of me died inside this holiday season when I learned that.

Dido's is definitely over. Just straight up, no one goes there anymore. And we're loyal customers, and we go back and go back, hoping this time it will be different, but alas, it never is. I need to grieve inside, but accept it and realize we just won't be returning there anymore.

I've gained 1 lb this week, and who knows what's going to happen over Thanksgiving! Yikes!

The Coach wants me to go visit him, but I don't know. The cons (the cost, he'll be working most of the time, I'll be tooling around by myself, the cost, the fact that we were just a fling, but he's bored and lonely and seems to think we had something serious and worth missing, I'm not really excited about the prospect of what will be an expensive booty call because I just don't want to sleep with him, nor do I need to get laid) definitely outweigh the pros (it would be nice to get away for a weekend, and that's all I got there.)

Cat's been set up with a hottie! Can't wait for her to meet him next week!

Guess that's it, have a happy Thanksgiving!

xoxo, Maxi

I did NOT just read this!

Good grief green granolas!

My favorite is number 10.

Read the article here

Hindu Goddess

On days where Cat and I don't have anything to blog, we're just going to post our email strains from that day's work. These usually are the best anyways! And to see how our train of though evolves is quite scary! Enjoy!

As background, Cat and I had been talking about the 8 limbed girl in India who recently went through surgery to remove her twin that died in the womb and attached herself to the healthy twin. The girl was really adorable, and I was so relieved when I heard that she made it through the surgery safely. Today on foxnews.com, there was a follow up article.



From: Maxine
Why does the mom looked pissed?

And the girl isn't as smiley, I bet she's in pain. Poor little thing.

http://www.foxnews.com/photoessay/0,4644,2600,00.html#1_0

From: Cathy
Yeah, the mom does look pissed. Maybe she feels like it's an invasion of privacy. But I mean, the entire thing was paid for so of course you're going to lose a little bit of privacy. The dad didn't really look pissed.

For the little girl think of what her body must be thinking now. "Holy sh1t! You're missing half your body! What is going on here?"

From: Maxine
Yea, you have to be right about the mom. But she had to have known. Otherwise, they would have "kept her hidden" like they were doing earlier. I wonder almost if she's sad that her daughter is no longer a Hindu "goddess."

Your thought of the girl made me laugh. But I bet your right, total shock to the body.

So, I think I finally figured out exactly what it is that's wrong with SW's clothes. Did you see the outfit today? I mean, it's a nice outfit, but she looks like she's walking to Chem class, not to work for a Fortune 100 company. And then I thought about it, all her outfits are like that. Way too collegiate for a professional environment. It's not just that they're tight (because I think a button down in black trousers could probably look more slutty if you dressed like they do on TV for work) but it's that they look like a 19 year old sorority girl. Between that and the sw, she's really keeping herself down. If we worked in a larger office, I guarantee she would be overlooked for promotions all the time, but in this smaller office, where people are held more accountable, her actual work is speaking for her (which is the way it should be, but rarely is). Don't you agree?

From: Cathy
You could be right. In the smaller office, people know her work. In a larger office couldn't you see the boss equivalent thinking, who's SW, again? And someone saying, "The one who wears the sparkly tops."

From: Maxine
Haha! Oh that fake convo made me laugh...because it's true. It's totally the type of thing that people would use to classify you.

From: Cathy
How do you think people would classify you? The SB always going to the gym?

From: Maxine
Or would I be the FB always going to the gym but never loses any weight.


From: Cathy
Well, that's what Jim thinks anyway...

From: Maxine
Haha! I'd love to see Jim as a cartoon character. Wouldn't you? Mumbling under his breath while all the shenanigans of the office happen around him. You'd be on his side in the cartoon. Thinking we're a bunch of crazy monkeys.

From: Cathy
See this is why I wish I could draw! I would totally make funny cartoons!



Is that monkey wearing nail polish?

Greetings from Austin, TX

Dear Maxi....

I could never log in, I swear.

I am calling to report from Austin. Let me begin with my flight. I want to tell you about the hunk I sat next to on the plane. You would have loved this guy. Blue eyes, sand colored hair, southern accent, tall, and big. Just your type. The type to scoop you up in his arms and throw you around like a rag doll. I felt so petite next to him. His arms firmly took up residence on the armrest, forcing me to queeze my shoulders together a little. However, it wasn't uncomfortable. He was big in a a strong muscular way, in a sexy football player way. The warmth of his arm against mine and the lull of the plane put me in a peaceful sleep.

Anway, so the plane is landing and the pilot annouces the weather in Austin. "....crshhhh. This is the pilot. The weather in beaustiful Austin is slightly windy, 84 degrees..." I jumped and almost slapped the guy next to me! 84 degrees? I had departed earlier that morning in a parka, a scarf, and a heavy sweater. 84 degrees! This trip was going to be wonderful.

My friend is calling me to go grab a burger and do some vintage shopping. More reports later.

Random Friday Question - Who Would You Rather?

First, let me begin this post by expressing my disappointment in Cat. Really, she has totally let me down in our blogging world. Can't even take the time to comment on last week's question, can't be bothered to take 5 minutes out of her day to write a post. Whatever.

It's Friday, so that means random question Friday. I like getting your mind thinking first thing in the morning on a Friday. Especially since usually Thursday nights are number one Happy Hour days which turn into all night affairs with Cat and I dragging our lap tops around the bar in our work professional attire making it obvious to everyone we've been drinking since 5 pm!

Ok, back to the point of the post, in the tradition of my favorite mid-work day guilty pleasure http://www.tmz.com/, who would you rather get busy with? (And this has nothing to do with birthdays, like the tmz posts are).

Greasy Bear late at night when he's at the height of his sweat, grease and drunk, or, Al Gore?

Ok, both of these gross me out to no end. Have you seen pictures of Brandon Davis? Really, I feel sick just thinking of our bodies sweating together, but I'm going to have to choose him over Al Gore. I could never live with myself if I gave Al Gore an orgasm. He's the epitome of all things I dislike: liberal; green; hypocrite; ugly; free hand out giving; tree hugging; granola; and, self-promoting. There, I said it!

Have a great weekend! - xoxo, Maxi

Slow Walking Women - Sexy or Lazy?

Every morning when I get to work, I log on, grab my usual diet soda and read the news articles. Today I found this article http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,309436,00.html and would like to discuss.

First Cat and I discussed why this occurs. I came to the conclusion that it is because back in the Neanderthal days, men could smell fertile women through their pheromones so the less fertile women had to compensate so that the men would select them. It was survival of the fittest after all! In today’s society, with better hygiene, this isn’t as much as an issue, but the walk has continued to be a trait in these women.

There was a girl in my high school who I swear her hips rotated 280 degrees from side to side. If this study is true, poor thing doesn’t need to worry about getting pregnant. She’ll waste her single years worrying about birth control and condoms, and the married years worrying about when she’ll get pregnant.

Cat and my conversation quickly led to a girl in our office, we’ll call her SW from here on out (SW for slow walker). She walks so slowly through the office. I see it as meandering. To me, she looks lazy. She’s not in a hurry to get anything done. But she’s a good worker, let me tell you, she’s smart, knows her stuff, good work ethics, quick learner, etc., But I can’t help but think that her slow moving throughout the office is hindering the way her supervisors look at her. My mom told me a story about a guy in her office, who she swore never did an hour of work in his life. But he could always be found walking around the office at high speeds carrying binders. SW is the exact opposite of this guy. But I do think the speed at which you walk directly affects other’s perception of you. If you’re meandering around the office, people see you as not really excited about your work nor concered with deadlines. Plus, she types slowly. And if you go to her desk to ask a question, she slowly finishes her sentence, and slowly swivels around on the chair and slowly asks "what's up?" But that's off the topic of the slow walk.

OC calls it the “bitch” walk. That makes me laugh, because I never saw it like that. I guess to him it’s more of a strut. But the point is, women and men alike think it’s obnoxious.

So, we came to this final question. Does she have a "sexy" walk - as in rotating her hips? Or is it just sexy because it's slow? And how to others view the slow walk? Is it lazy, bitch, or sexy?

-Maxi

Random Friday Question - Do you believe in aliens?

I want to try to do this, so Cat, you better participate. Each Friday, one of us will come up with a random question. If we ever get any readers, they are welcome to participate as well in the comments section.

This week's random question is:

Do you believe in aliens?

I'd have to say yes on this one. But I don't think they're the glowy green ones. And I don't think they're trying to contact us. But yes, I do believe there is other life out there.

Random blog of the day

Spotted on the way to work today: A man, in a suit, wearing tennis shoes. For some reason, this really bothered me! I know women that do it all the time, heck I even have done it on occasion, but women's shoes pinch and have heels and are un-fucking-comfortable. Men, don't have the same excuse. I don't know if it was the fact they were greying white battered sneakers. Perhaps if he was wearing some hip dark sneakers, it would be okay. I don't know. Thoughts on this? Is this common? Am I the last to have seen this horror? Do others find it acceptable?

-Max

When asked between a trick or treat, I always say treat

Tonight is the big night when everyone's going out for Halloween. I love Halloween, I love getting all dressed up and having a really good excuse to wear extra makeup and jewelry and get tore up. Tonight a couple of friends are coming over and then we'll head on out to create some mischief. Cat is the queen of starting mischief, so I am sure there will be plenty! A made some jello shots, and of course we'll have the famous Maxi-tinis, then head on out to either our favorite place, Dido's, or TC, we'll see where the evening takes us.

Cat is going as Santa's Little Helper (no not the Simpson's dog - think Mean Girls) and I'm going as Cleopatra. No cheesy "Legg Avenue" costumes here folks, we made the real deal, and let me tell you, we are going to look super fine! Sorry I can't put up pictures so you can all be jealous and try to recreate for next Halloween. One, I don't know how to post pictures, and two, and most important, Cat and I have vowed to anonymity.

On another note, Laverne and Shirley are having a Halloween Party tonight, and I just did NOT want to go. It's sad but we are definitely on the outs. Their lameness and boringness just really has gotten to me. I guess our "friendship" started going downhill in April, and by this time, we're really just friends out of habit. I rarely see them, rarely talk to them, have no idea what's going on in their life (although Laverne's crazy bore-friend does and will have his own blog soon, you're going to LOVE it) and really don't care to know what's going on with them. It's sad, and I feel like we just can't let go because we've been friends for so long. They have worn on my last nerve and I've given all I can and care to give to that relationship. I could go on for days about Laverne but back to the point...I want to have fun on Halloween, not be in their lame townhome way out in the suburbs with other lame people. I already can see the whole party going down. I know it's going to be one of those where people are saying "Ugh, we have to go. We should go. Let's just pop in for like an hour and then we can leave." But I know I'll hear about how much FUN it was and how I should have come and had so much FUN with them. Yea effing right!

Ok, we'll I'm off A and Cat should be here soon to start the evening!

Happy Halloween - Maxi

OC's Cock Block

I know everyone's dying for details of Thursday night. Unfortunately, I do not have much to report. The evenings festivities were sabotaged by OC. Whether intentionally or sub-consciously, he sabotaged the evening. Now, I'd love to think it was a deliberate play because he's really madly in love with me, but the truth is, it most likely was sub-conscious for one of these three reasons: 1) Even though he is really happy with his girlfriend, he's one of those people that don't want you, but don't want anyone else to have you either. You know the type. They're selfish, and there's no reason behind it, they just would be jealous to know you're with someone else. 2) He enjoys making fun of me and calling me desperate and if I was in a happy, healthy relationship, he wouldn't be able to make fun of me anymore. 3) he really is just THAT clueless.



So, here's what happened, OC invited friends to this happy hour. He was well aware of the plan for the evening, he was supposed to leave around 7 so that Cat and I could move to the bar and have the lawyers come up and start casual conversation with us. MD followed the plan to a Tee. Well, not OC. He didn't even end up leaving until after the lawyer happy hour was over so he could most efficiently cock block us. Cat and are talking about changing his name from OC to CB. I don't know why Cat and I stayed at the table humoring his friends, we should have just left them. They weren't our friends.

But anyways, it could have all gone down so well. Mark was making major eye contact from the 6-7 o'clock hour. If we had moved to the bar when originally planned, I can guarantee he would have sidled up to the bar and made small talk. But no, we were at the table humoring OC's lame friends and by the time we moved to the bar, it was after 8. There were only a few people left, Mark was one of the last one's since he's sort of in charge and there was definitely a gaggle of girls around him. Barf! (As a side note, I was clearly the most attractive. Apparently to be a female lawyer in this association, you have to be a minimum of 40 lbs overweight, and wear frumpy clothes - an observation made not only by Cat and I, but also MD, OC and OC's friends). Mark left shortly after and that was it. A huge let down. It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't talked about it for the past few months, or if the reason we didn't talk to Mark was for a reason other than OC. But I tell you, when you're anticipating something and then it doesn't happen, you can't put words around the anti-climax you feel.

The next day MD asked how it went. I filled him in, and he said the ground work was there. Mark was definitely looking over at the table. All we have to do is run into him or something soon. But I've been trying to "run into" him for a few months. We are just not on the same schedule for lunch, leaving and arriving, etc. This happy hour was supposed to be when we "ran into" each other, and OC went and effed the whole thing up. And yea, I am pissed at him. Especially since he doesn't care, doesn't even seem to know why it was inappropriate and rude to invite friends.

Anyways, I'm just pissed I don't have anything more exciting to report. - MAXI

The Bar Association of the City of ____: Young Lawyers Fall Social

For reasons that need only be known to Cat and I, we have discovered that the Young Lawyers Bar Association of our city is having a happy hour tonight. Yes my friends, we have hit the jackpot! I feel like a giddy school girl...anxious, excited, nervous! A child on Christmas Eve, a fat kid at McDonalds. Oh, this is it! Cat and I have talked about this for months! Months, let me tell you! And today is the day it's all going to go down.

I was having a heart attack this morning because I couldn't find anything to wear. I needed the perfect mix of professional and attractive. I settled on a nice pair of black slacks with a white button down, a new black vest and my patent leather Mary Janes. Cat's wearing her tall black boots with a black skirt and a cream sweater. Why does she always manage to show me up!? Sheesh!

Cat and I managed to persuade two of our male coworkers to go with us (and by persuade, we meant we forced them to put it on their calendars over a month ago so that they would have no excuses). Our idea of the evening is as follows: Cat, me, OC and MD will get there around 5. The lawyer happy hour starts at 6. The lawyers will see us with coworkers and think we were just out for a drink after a long day at work. Well, they need to do their networking and whatnot, so while they're doing that, we'll sit with our coworkers. Around 7:30, OC and MD will skedaddle and by that time, most of the lawyers should either have left (the ones that are married, dorks, women, etc.) or be a little more loosened up and ready to mingle with Cat and I. We'll let you know what really happens because if you knew OC and MD, you'd know things could go very very awry.

I will tell you what's cute though. OC and MD dressed up today. They are just the cutest. They made fun of Cat and me like you have no idea. And while October 18 will now go down in infamy as "Desperate Cat and Maxi Day" (OC and MD definitely made some invitations so that we could hand them out to any cute men we saw), the point is, when the rubber hits the road, they're there, dressed in their best, corporate America, ready to be our wingmen. They really are the best. (Why is Tracy Lawrence, "Find Out Who Your Friends Are" going through my head?)

Details to follow tomorrow...

Fingers crossed,
Maxi

Overextended

I feel like I have too much going on, and nothing really important, but my life is out of control.

I took on a second job at one of those tutoring places for some extra cash. I get the schedule every Thursday for that next week. Not a problem, right? I get the schedule and go to work when I'm supposed to.

This week, I was scheduled to work on Wednesday. I wrote it in my planner, I put it on my work calendar, in my cell phone, you get the point. The point being (in case you missed it), I have work on Wednesday.

Late last week, the president of my alumni association (I'm on the alumni board for my college) called. We had to have an "emergency" meeting. I don't really care to go into the details here about the certain woman about whom the meeting was being held. Let's just say, if you never felt like pulling your brain through your nose with a wire hanger, you will after 3 minutes of knowing this woman. The president asked if I could meet Tuesday or Wednesday. I being the good, organized person that I am, opened up my planner and said "Tuesday. I can do Tuesday."

We have the meeting and the fate of the woman is decided. While I'm heading home, I check my messages, and I have a message from the tutoring place. "Maxi this is tutoring place. You're scheduled for tonight and your student is here. If there's something wrong, please call." AGH! I've had this job for less than a month. I need this job. I have NEVER been anything other than a punctual, hard working employee in my whole life, and then this happens!!?? I don't know what to do. I'm all but crying at this moment. I go home to check the schedule and sure enough I should have worked tonight. I totally messed up. This never happens to me. I am a good person, I care about my jobs. I feel TERRIBLE here people! TERRIBLE!! I don't know what to do. And I guess I have to call tomorrow and apologize, but I'm petrified they'll fire me, then I don't know what I'll do for a second job. There's no way I could do retail! And even if it comes to that, I still feel bad. This is not typical Maxi behavior! I don't know what to do.

And Cat, I know you would LOVE for me not to work at tutoring place. I will admit, it's cut into happy hour and after work exercise time, and that makes me very sad. I hate it as much as you! But happy hours will have to be cut out completely if I don't have the means to fund them!

:'( Maxi

The Conundrum of the Condom

This weekend, my mom came to visit and help me do some stuff around the house. As usual, we ended up shopping all day Saturday. Sunday, we did manage to get something done so that my dad wouldn't know the trip to my house was just a ploy to go shopping in the city. We put some grass seed down on my weed filled yard. Now I just have to get up early to water and hope none of my neighbors frown as I water my yard despite our voluntary water restrictions.

So, Saturday night, my mom spends the night with me. I love it when my mom spends the night (which I will add is about twice a year on special occasions; for example, once when I had surgery, and once because I couldn't take a day off work and she volunteered to be at my house when I had new windows put in). She makes me dinner, she cleans my kitchen, we watch movies, and I love feeling fresh the next morning because I didn't go out and get crunk tore up the night before.

So, this particular night, we're getting into our jammies so that we can enjoy a movie, and I'm reaching into my night stand to pull out some nice jammie jams. The weather had turned a little cooler, so I had to reach way in the back to find my flannel pj's. I see the ones I want to wear, and start yanking on them to loosen them from the other pj's that are on top. Finally, it breaks free and as it flings backward, it bring something with it. I hear this soft thud on the bed and in that instant, I knew immediately what it was flying across the room...a condom. I quickly snatched it up and put it back in the night stand. I'm freaking out at this moment. Did my mom see? I didn't gasp or anything like that to cause suspicion, and I hope it was all too fast for my mom to see, but she did get lasic recently.

Now this something no mom wants to ever see, especially my mom, let me tell you. I am a virgin queen to my mother, and on the night that I get married, I swear to you, I will tell her I am scared that it's going to hurt. All night long, I'm waiting for it..."Maxi, I know you didn't want me to see that condom, but I did" and launch into this long talk about the right guy, waiting until marriage, being a slut, I don't know. It doesn't help that I haven't dated someone "special" in 3 years. And she doesn't know about the last few guys I've dated since I knew it wasn't going anywhere and there's no reason to introduce relationships before 6 months to the parents. So, if that condom didn't have an expiration date of 2006, she's going to wonder who I'm whoring around with. Anyways, did she see it? I don't know, and I hate not knowing!

-Maxi

It's Friday!

After countless discussions about starting a blog, we decided to get up off our wine-guzzlin' butts and get this thing started. This post will be brief, since we're trying to get out of work at a decent hour to hit up happy hour. TC is one of our favorite places to go. Cheap drinks, free food, and bad music. Maxine hasn't gotten paid yet, so we'll be hustling a free dinner complimentary with a drink purchase. As for me, I'm hoping to run into Jojo, another TC regular who I still don't know his real name or how old he is. xoxo Cathy.